Got Wedding Etiquette?

  Dear Polite One, I am planning a small wedding and reception with 40 guests, consisting of family and close friends, with my stepfather walking me down the aisle. This is the second marriage for both of us.  My question is how can I include my natural father in the ceremony or reception? Daddy’s Girl Dear Daddy’s Girl, Both fathers could escort you down the aisle or they could share this honor.  One could walk you halfway and the other could walk you the rest.  One could escort you down the aisle and the other could dance the father/daughter dance with you.  Your biological father could be announced at your reception , or you could ask him to give a speech.  Or you could create a new element.  This is something people are doing more and more these days…creating new ‘tasteful’ elements that reflect their sensibilities.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding Favors Tips Money-Saving Tips fo...

It seems that we all have strong feelings about what a wedding should be.   Many feel that it is the most important day of a couple’s life.   Well, it may be the most important day, so far, in a couple’s life.   But it is just another day for everyone else.   Because this is true, we must plan carefully not only focusing on our wedding but also focusing attention on our guests.   After all, we are hosts to our guests. Please Note Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.   This also means that the wedding is no longer a social event for parents.   How to Invite Guests to a Wedding in Vegas With No Reception? Dear Polite One, We will be getting married in Las Vegas and want to send out invitations to a select small group of people, as they have indicated that they would like to come.  This is only for a wedding (no reception).   How do you word this sort of invitation ?  Keep in mind t...

Tales of Our Wedding Our wedding was a casual affair focusing on sharing time with those near and dear to us. We didn't want to spend a great deal or to begin our marriage in debt. So, we hosted ours at our local Veteran's Memorial Center beginning in the afternoon. Saving money on the venue is imperative, as it can be quite costly. With this choice we saved thousands. Of course, hosting our reception in the afternoon also lowers the total cost by allowing us to serve lunch instead of dinner. A lovely, tree-lined courtyard in the center of the property was the perfect setting for the ceremony which was followed by the reception in a large room steps away. The room was lit with natural light from large windows on both sides of the room. The major plus was the kitchen access. For the meal, we chose one of our favorite Italian restaurants as the caterer. It is amazing how inexpensive it was.  Everyone raved about the food. I took classes so I could make our cake . It was beau...

  Dear Polite One, Our wedding is at 4pm with an evening reception after 6pm. Both events will be very formal .  Since the times require different attire, we are confused about appropriate attire for the men. I was considering tuxedos during the daytime since the reception is in the evening.  But the reception is very formal so I'm considering white tie and tailcoats. Is this appropriate? Formally confused Dear Formally Confused, Unfortunately, tuxes are formal evening attire, not to be worn during the day, even if many do it anyway. If you wish to follow the traditional road, the men should wear cutaway coats, gray striped trousers, and waistcoats for the daytime wedding and full-dress tailcoats with matching trousers, white waistcoats, and bow ties for the evening. However, because the wedding is during the day, they can wear the cutaways for the entire event. The one issue here that I find problematic though is that there is a sizable gap between the w...

  Dear Polite One, Is there any funny wording that you can think of for re-inviting guests to a wedding that had previously (one year ago) been canceled? Much appreciation, Renata Hello Renata, I’m not really that clever.  But I suppose you could use wording such as “We promise to make it down the aisle this time!” Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Listing late father as host? How to address the envelope to two doctors? Listing all parents and one is a judge?

  Dear Polite One, We are now planning our reception, what it will include and the flow of the event.  Neither of us are interested in the bouquet toss and garter belt tradition. Do we have other choices or are these traditions mandatory? Quizzical Dear Quizzical , Interesting question. My book , Wedding & Reception Planning: The Etiquette Guide for Planning the Perfect Wedding  includes information about where these customs originate. You will find alternatives to the wedding garter toss and the bouquet toss. Basically, you can skip them or create something of meaning to you.  Once you know more about where these traditions began and why, it is much easier to decide what you would like to replace them with or skip them entirely. We can create our own new traditions for reasons only we know and believe in. You are only limited by your own imagination. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to convey to guests that they must...

Dear Polite One, For a shower I'm hosting for my daughter, I plan to sell tickets for dinner at a restaurant.  All the money remaining after paying the restaurant would be hers.  Is this proper manners? Is It Proper Dear Is It Proper, Please do not do this as it is not polite , as mothers do not host, and the host provides the entire party. Guests should never have to open their wallets. Selling tickets is requiring guests to pay for her party and give her money just because she has decided to get married--very improper. Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One 4 Tips to Prevent Bridal Shower Craziness                              Bridal Shower Q & A: Multiple Parties & What to Give? Bridal Shower Rules: Who Hosts, Can Be Invited and Gift Obligations?  

  Hello Polite One, I am getting married on in two months.  Our wedding is small, so will not host a full reception...only cake, punch, and finger foods such as cheese and fruit.  How should I word my invitation?  Should it say Cake and Punch reception to follow? Also, what is the proper time to have the wedding if we are not serving a meal?  The wedding site is in the mountains, and it will take most people an hour to drive to the wedding site.  Is 1:00 p.m. too early?  Would 2:00 be a better time?  I do not want to be rude to guests who may be expecting a meal. Please let me know the proper etiquette for this. Thank you, Brenda Dear Brenda, Congrats!  Thank you for considering your guests’ comfort.  2 pm would work best.  And, you don’t have to list the refreshments on the invitation.  Guests should know.  But, if this is an informal wedding, the “rules” are much more relaxed.  So, you could use...

  Hi Polite One, I am MOG and have a question about a dress option for me.  The bride likes it and the MOG likes it.  It is strapless with a grey beaded top with a full ivory skirt that falls below the knee.  I've shown it to both the bride and her mother and both like it.  The bride's dress is white.  Should I be worrying the bottom is ivory?  Thanks so much, Carolyn, USA Dear Carolyn, The problem isn't so much the color.    The issue is that it is strapless.  Mothers shouldn’t wear anything revealing, so strapless dresses are a definite no-no.  A stylish jacket could solve that issue. As MOG, you are expected to coordinate with the MOB, while dressing no more formally than her.  The beading could be a problem if the wedding is hosted during the daytime.  Beading, and anything that glitters, is reserved for evening weddings .  So, it would be best if you chose a dress that is the same formality as th...

  Dear Polite One,  What do the bride’s parents pay for in their daughter’s wedding? Cash Strapped Parents Dear Cash Strapped Parents, Nothing.  Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  If they want to get married, they should be able to finance it themselves.  Young people these days have more choices and often make more money than their parents.  Whatever you wish to contribute to is your choice and a gift.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Menacing Sisters Refuse Bride’s Chosen Colors Bitchy Bride Refuses to Invite Mom’s Boyfriend or His Family Skip Traditional Seating of the Mothers?

  Dear Polite One, I am a bit confused as to what to wear for an outdoor wedding in the early afternoon in October, in Alberta. The groom is wearing a kilt and the best man (my other brother) is wearing a suit.   The matron of honor is wearing a silk dress but am not sure of the length. There will be a piper, but no minister. My husband, siblings with spouses, and I are also invited to a dinner the night before, and for two breakfasts the day of the wedding at the Lodge. It is a very small wedding and I think it is casual, but have I never been to a weekend wedding before. My brother is a man of few words, and it is important to him that we get it right, but he's not very helpful.   This may be because the bride and her very proper mother are doing most of the planning. Thanks for any advice you can give.   Wedding in Alberta Dear Wedding in Alberta, I would dress as if I was going to a nice country club for lunch.   So, it would probably be bes...

Dear Polite One, We have been invited to a weekend Champagne brunch. The hostess has asked that the men wear "proper white attire". What exactly would you conclude he wears ? Does this mean white pants, white shirt? Or nice casual slacks and a white shirt? We don't want to appear unsophisticated either showing up inappropriately dressed or ask the hostess for an explanation. Please help. J.L. Dear J.L., This is an old-fashion dress code indicating the attire expected when playing croquet: white linen suit.  It could be slacks and jacket in white as well.  But these days it is difficult to know for sure, because many, especially young people, are using the dress code to mean fashionable white night-on-the-town clothing.  The look is very sheik.  I would go with white suit or jacket and slacks. Alternately, you could call the couple and ask for clarification.  The couple just may want that old-fashion look. Sincerely, The Polite One More by ...

  We often consider domestic abuse as a problem couples have—too many, in fact—but, probably not surprisingly, abusive parents are just as common.   When this is an issue, the child victims are, understandably, traumatized for life.   Still, when we have a major life event, we may feel the pull to involve that parent.   Should we? How do we respond to those asking about that parent when not invited? Dear Polite One, My mother is an abusive drug addict, so I do not associate with her.   Thus, she is not invited to my wedding.   What can I say to those asking about my family?   I have none besides her, so there will be no family on my side of the aisle.   Also, how do I word the program?  For "seating of the mothers" I have nothing to say.   Trying to Appear Calm Dear Trying to Appear Calm, Unfortunately, your situation is not uncommon, although I wish it were.   When guests ask about your mother or family, don...

  On a scale of ‘forgetting to invite your second-grade teacher’ to ‘forgetting to invite your mother ,’ forgetting to include a reception card in a wedding invitation is near the middle of the wedding catastrophes.   It’s noticeable but not tragic.   I’m going to try to get this scale balanced right here.   Dear Polite One, After mailing my invitations , I realized that I had forgotten to include the reception card.   Guests won't know where to go!   What to do?? Stuffed envelopes Dear Stuffed Envelopes, Yikes! This is repairable, but it will take some doing. If yours is a less formal wedding, you could call each person explaining the situation and all details.   Alternately, you can buy blank cards, write an explanation, and include the reception card. This may be costly but is the best choice. Don't worry.   You'll have this sorted out soon and it will be something you will laugh about for years to come.   Sincerely, ...

  The art of good manners is simple: treat others as you would like to be treated.   Also, the well-manned always consider how his/her behavior affects others.   This is the main axiom of manners.   Consequently, the rule for who pays – for any event – is the one who invites.   You invite, you pay.   Simple. Dear Polite One, My boyfriend – we are well into our 50s – invited me to a family wedding.   He is a member of the bridal party, so he will be busy with the wedding and won't sit with me.   Also, the wedding is in another state, so we will be flying there and will require ground transportation as well.   Initially, I accepted his invitation, but now realize that he expects me to pay my own way even though he invited me.   Is this proper?   Also, I'd rather not attend.   Is it polite to decline the invitation?   Empty wallet Dear Empty Wallet, You are under no obligation to attend and are correct in thi...